


Pretend It's Love

by bad_ash10



Series: At Least Out Loud (I Won't Say I'm in Love) [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fake Dating, academy era philinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:36:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29812701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bad_ash10/pseuds/bad_ash10
Summary: Phil Coulson's friends keep trying to set him up with women, and Melinda May's mother keeps trying to get her daughter to marry a nice guy.When Melinda May sees her friend Phil Coulson getting teased by his friends for not having a girlfriend, she takes a chance at a solution that might work for both of them.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Melinda May, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Series: At Least Out Loud (I Won't Say I'm in Love) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194191
Comments: 17
Kudos: 57





	Pretend It's Love

**Author's Note:**

> Written for agentsofchallenges on tumblr for the [March Madness Challenge.](https://agentsofchallenges.tumblr.com/post/644417220715462656/march-madness-the-fandom-version-happy-march)
> 
> \--
> 
> This might be a multi-part work. We'll just have to see. :)

Phil Coulson stormed into his dorm room, flopping onto his bed with a huff. 

“Uh, everything ok there, Phil?” Garrett asked from his desk.

With a disgruntled sigh, Phil said, “If I have to hear one more word from Blake about how he needs me to do him a solid and date a friend of his girlfriend’s I am going to lose my fuckin’ mind.”

Garrett laughed. “Didn’t you have fun with what’s-her-name? That other friend of his?”

“Marie?” Coulson laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, if you call almost getting crushed to death by her pet python, then sure. A  _ fabulous _ time.”

“Not into snakes, Phil?” Garret asked. “Might spice up the relationship if you add in a reptile here and there.”

“Fuck you, man. I just want everyone to stop trying to set me up with women who, while I’m sure they’re nice, are  _ not  _ for me.”

Garrett grinned mischievously. “I have a friend whose sister has a pet tarantula. How do you feel about arachnids?”

* * *

Melinda May was on the phone with her mother for the first time in ages, only to be reminded why she rarely called home.

“Mrs. Chen’s daughter got engaged to a lovely man the other day,” Lian said through the phone line. “You should have heard Mrs. Chen going on and on about how wonderful her future son-in-law is. Apparently, he’s a stockbroker and has a lot of future ahead of him in his career.”

She rolled her eyes, knowing exactly where this was headed. “Oh really? Good for her. They’ll be very happy together, I’m sure.”

“Yes, well it would be nice if one day, I got to brag about my own daughter marrying a prolific bachelor, don’t you think, Qiaolian?”

And there it was. She was only twenty-two for god’s sake. Melinda tried to keep the annoyance from her voice as she replied, “Maybe one day, Mama. I’ve still got another year left here at the Academy, you know.”

Lian scoffed. “You know, come to think of it, I think I have a friend whose son just graduated medical school. I can always -”

Melinda interrupted her mother, eager to stave off this conversation if she could help it. “I’m fine, but thanks for the offer.”

“Are you sure? I can ask-”

“Sorry, mama. I have to get to a study group across campus in five minutes. Love you, talk later!” Melinda said before hurriedly hanging up the phone.

* * *

Phil filed into the lecture hall with the rest of the crowd. They were having a field agent come to give a guest lecture and all the junior and senior students were required to attend. 

He thought he heard someone in the crowd calling his name, but when he turned, he couldn’t see who had called him. Phil heard several, “oofs” and “watch it”s behind him when suddenly none other than Melinda May appeared by his side amongst the crowd. 

“Hey, jackass, did you not hear me call you?” she asked with a grin. “I had to elbow my way through six rows of people to catch up.”

“Sorry, May. I looked, but I didn’t see you.”

Melinda shot a glare over her shoulder at their fellow cadets behind them. “Yeah, ‘cause Griffin and was in the way.  _ As always _ .”

Phil arched his eyebrows, eager to change the subject. “So what’s up, Melinda? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“The usual. Class, homework, gym. Oh! And I talked to my mother last night- I had to hear all about how Mrs. Chen’s daughter got engaged. Blah blah blah. She’s the only one of her friends whose daughter hasn’t gotten engaged, and she wants to set me up with someone.” She sighed heavily. 

“I can relate- Blake keeps trying to set me up with friends of his girlfriend.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

He scoffed. “Oh, yes it is! I almost died when one had a snake that tried to suffocate me.”

May’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow, Phil, I had no idea you liked it kinky,” she said with a wink.

Phil laughed. Leave it to May to make a statement hypersexual. “No, no, no. A  _ literal snake.  _ Some kind of constrictor or python or something. She took it out of the tank and somehow convinced me to hold it. Then the damn thing wrapped itself around my torso and squeezed hard enough that it was hard to breathe.”

“Yikes. No wonder you don’t want him to set you up.”

* * *

Melinda was walking across the quad, heading to grab dinner in the cafeteria when she heard familiar voices ahead. 

“Come on, Coulson,” Blake chided. “It’d be a win-win. You go out with Laura’s friend Sarah, which gets Sarah off of Laura’s back, which gets Laura off of my back, and then you can hopefully get Sarah  _ on  _ to her back.”

Melinda rolled her eyes as the group laughed at Blake. They were a bunch of immature ass holes. All of them. Well - except for Phil. 

They had been fast friends once they met at the academy freshman year, and he always treated the female students with respect and decency. But the rest of them? Melinda had had to kick their asses on multiple occasions to earn their respect. And even then, she knew they talked about her behind her back after being polite to her face.

Phil was steadily turning Blake down, but the guys were relentless. Dragging Phil for not having a girlfriend, telling him to take his shot with a new girl, telling him he needed to ‘get some,’ and yet Phil never caved. She had to admire his determination.

Suddenly a thought struck her, and she bounded forward, calling “Phil! Wait up!”

The group paused, but Phil stepped toward her, no doubt worried about what would have her sprinting full-speed toward him.

Melinda slammed into him, and his arms wrapped around her instinctively as they almost toppled over.

“Melinda? What-”

“I’m saving you from your friends,” she whispered. “Just play along.”

His arms tightened around her and she knew he understood the plan.

May released him from the hug, and instead wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, looking adoringly up at him as he held her flush against him.

“I got done with my study session early, so I thought I’d surprise you!” she said sweetly before pulling him down to kiss her.

Phil was surprised by the kiss but quickly caught on, kissing her back long enough and deep enough that Garrett let out a low whistle. “You two coming up for air anytime soon?” he asked teasingly.

They broke apart, but Melinda grabbed Phil’s hand, weaving their fingers together before facing the rest of the group. Blake looked dumbfounded, but Garrett gave the two of them a wink. Meanwhile, Sitwell just looked irritated they hadn’t made it to the dining hall yet.

“May is the reason you haven’t gone out with any of Laura’s friends lately?” Blake wondered. He didn’t seem entirely convinced by their act.

“Hot damn, Coulson. You could’ve just said so,” Garrett said with a laugh.

Phil looked down at her, seeming to come to a decision silently. “You guys mind if I ditch you for dinner? I think I’d rather take Melinda off campus for dinner now that she’s free.”

They barely waited for an answer before they turned and headed in the opposite direction, still hand in hand.

* * *

As a thank you for saving him, Phil did take her out to dinner at a nearby restaurant they were known to frequent.

She stole a shrimp from his plate, dragging through the pasta sauce. “Phil, I have an idea.”

He chuckled. “Oh really? And what would that be.”

“I need to make my mother think I have a boyfriend. You need your friends to think you have a girlfriend… Why don’t we pretend to date?”

Phil stared at her in surprise. “Uhhhhh…..”

“We hang out a lot anyway. We just have to put on a show for your friends when they’re around. And I can let my mother think we’re a couple to get her off my back.”

He flagged down the waitress, asking for refills of their breadsticks and drinks, but she knew it was just to kill time.

“Well? What do you say, Phil?” she asked as soon as the waitress left again. “You wanna be my fake boyfriend?”


End file.
